In my 20 years, I have experienced lots and lots of friendships. Some were good and some were very toxic. The lesson that seemed to never get through my own head is reading people’s character. I have always struggled with that problem. My mom was a great judge of character and she would always tell me when a friendship ended that “Well, I could have told that.” I always wondered why she had such a good character judgment and how I can achieve that level of understanding of others one day.
I’m here to say that I am not as wise and well-spoken as my mom is, but I do have a better understanding now. I am still learning who’s a bad guy and who’s a good guy.
There are friendships that are meant to happen in order to teach you lessons. And I know, I am thinking the same thing like “Why do I need another lesson to learn??” I understand the frustration. I too craved good friendships and good people to surround myself with in middle school, high school, and now college. It is something that everyone wants and deserves to have. And I mean deserve as in YOU deserve amazing people in your own life, but others DESERVE YOU in their life.
I think a worry many of us have is losing THEM as a friend. Especially if you do not set a boundary or express yourself completely. A lot more goes into it as in it’s hard to escape some friends when you are stuck in a high school where starting over isn’t an option with friends and that’s okay. It’s okay to have dealt with harmful friendships in your past and you do NOT need to continue to have them in your life. I think a concept that many of us struggle with is “Well I don’t want to burn a bridge” or “Well they don’t deserve to be cut off”. That’s your problem right there. You are putting their feelings and reactions above your own. That’s also okay. It takes time to understand yourself and to gain the confidence to speak for yourself.
I think it should be normal to have the people who have served their purpose in your journey to leave your life. I think it should be okay to not be friends with people from the past. This does not necessarily mean that I do not wish them the best because I do. It’s that I can’t be MY BEST if they’re in my life NOW. It should be normalized to set your boundaries and to let go of the negative and toxic friends we have had in the past or eveN THE CURRENT PRESENT!
You should not interrupt your environment, which is a direct reflection of your mental state, to keep harmful people in your life. It won’t be good for you or them. You need to surround yourself with people who bring you up and make you feel like nothing is wrong with you. Which is a feeling you most likely have had with past or current friendships. I have felt that way too.
I can tell you now that once I understood myself and let go of the negative energy, my friendships not only flourished into happy and healthy ones. But also the ones who were not meant to stay have already made their way to the door. Invest in yourself, set boundaries, and lastly CUT THEM OFF.